


Fall From Grace

by hopefulwriter27



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode Tag, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-05
Updated: 2009-12-05
Packaged: 2017-10-04 04:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopefulwriter27/pseuds/hopefulwriter27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An episode tag for 4x16, On the Head of a Pin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fall From Grace

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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"Anna, please," Castiel calls out into the night sky. He needs guidance. He needs Anna. The street light flickers above, and he knows she's heeding his plea.   

"Decided to kill me after all?" Anna asks, her red hair still despite the wind.

_I could never kill you, _he thinks. Even back before he had doubt, and he still considered her a traitor, he could never kill her. They share too much history.

"I'm alone," he states. She looks good standing there, in her human body. The form is appealing, but it goes past that. He can see the shine of her true appearance. Her glorious wings and golden soul. He remembers when they spent hours watching over the humans. Guarding them, together, side-by-side, doing God's work. Equal and like-minded.   

"What do you want from me Castiel?" Anna asks.

"I'm considering disobedience." It is the first time he'd said the words aloud. It feels both terrifying and exhilarating.  He watches her swallow and close her eyes. He can feel her relief deep within his bones.

"Good," she replies, nodding her head.

"No. It isn't." How can doubting God, his Father, ever be good? "For the first time, I feel…" He doesn't know which words to use. Scared. Angry. Hopeful. Lustful.  

Anna doesn't need the description. "It gets worse."

He looks away. Feelings belong to the humans. God's favorite creations. He's both envious and thankful of that fact. Anna walks down the steps, towards him.  "Choosing your own course of action," she gets closer, "is confusing. Terrifying."

He can hear the beating of her heart and feel the warmth of her breath. She reaches out and rubs his arm. He looks down at her hand. It feels strange feel to her fingers in a touch that isn't meant to deceive. Centuries have passed since the last time they've touched in any way but hurtful. A wave of surprise fills him. _I do not feel as I once did, _he thinks. _My love for her has diminished. _He never thought that was possible.

She misinterprets the look and his silence.  Her hand drops. "That's right," she spits out, "You're too good for my help. I'm just trash. Walking blasphemy." Guilt rushes through him as she turns away. He regrets his previous words and actions. He can't let her walk away.

"Anna," he calls out. She stops.  "I don't know what to do." _Tell me please. Guide me, like you once did. _She turns back. "Please, tell me what to do."

A small smile raises her lips. "Like the old days?" She shakes her head. "No." _Please help me. _"I'm sorry. It's time to think for yourself."

Before he can blink, she's gone. He's left standing there, stuck with his own thoughts. _Angels aren't supposed to feel lost or confused. What am I going to do?_ he thinks. His throat feels thick, and he prays for God's guidance. He glances behind him and seea a concrete water fountain. As if drawn my magic, his eyes follow the pipe along the side until they rest upon the grooved green turn-handle. A terrifying thought comes to him, _If I have doubt, who else has doubt? _

Angels are not supposed to feel. They were created to do God's work and charged with watching God's other children. But here they are, him, Anna, even Lucifer, burning through emotions and fears and desires. Clarity clicks into place. _Dean, _he thinks, _the answer is Dean. I will fall for Dean. I will fight for Dean. I will go against my brothers and sisters for Dean. I will fold to my feelings, like my human siblings, which in the end, is all God ever wanted. _    

 


End file.
